right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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