I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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