Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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