i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
