If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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