Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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