My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
