Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
