Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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