Don't you send me to vm
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
