I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
