Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
