oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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