not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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