I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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