At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
