can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
