I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Randomize
