it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
