is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
