i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
