you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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