A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
