Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
