time to smoke my breakfast
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
