I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
