He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
