Someone shit on the floor
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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