oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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