i think i have two assholes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
