I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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