Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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