We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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