I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
