it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
