why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
