He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
