I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
