Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
