I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
