Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
