in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
