I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
