My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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