If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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