Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
