I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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