when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
