Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
