Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
