you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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