In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
